why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
soo... how was my night?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
