Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
