Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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