If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
