i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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