so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
