I cockslap morals
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
