If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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