my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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