Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
