I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
