Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
