god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
