I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
