Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
