so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
