Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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