That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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