I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
