Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
