He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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