A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
