Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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