She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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