I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
