nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I party with great urgency now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
