Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
