i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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