Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
