I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
