How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
