Already got asked if we're dating
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
