Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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