it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize