ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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