youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
