She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
