There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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