I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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