lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
