Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
