I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
