she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
