If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
