We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
