I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
