I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
