It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I forget how to act sober
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
