when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
