I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
