So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
