Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
