I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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