You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize