you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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