apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
