I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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