you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
