Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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