if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
