I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I see more hoeing in ur future
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