I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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