On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
