I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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