mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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