Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
