Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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