Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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