Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
