I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
