I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
