Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
