Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize