He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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