lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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