You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
