i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
