I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
