i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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