I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's blow job season.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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