my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I supernannyed him into submission
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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