foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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