WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
