i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your penis caused this!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
