Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize