At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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